Bullying & Why I Hate It So Much

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I know what you’re thinking, Azalee we all know bullying is bad like only mean people do it anyway why are you even talking about it?

Because it AMAZES me…

It amazes me that in a world where we have to fear terrorist attacks, in a Country where unemployment is on the rise, where every single person you meet has gone been through something that you know nothing about, we are each facing our own problems, and dealing with past hardships…

It AMAZES me that people
1 – choose to bully and
2 – get away with it, are encouraged to do it OR
3 – the victim is blamed for the bullying

When I was kid, teenager even, I always thought I can’t wait to be adult so I won’t get bullied anymore! Because bullying is for kids, right? Wrong. So wrong. Sure when I was a teenager other teenagers (I’m assuming–I never really found out who did it) bullied me. They egged my house, typed up a page of terrible things about me (all of which were lies) and threw them all around the school, and drenched me in some type of sticky liquid at school (still don’t know what it was and probably don’t want to). Someone watched Mean Girls one too many times…

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You had to of done something to someone though, right?

No…I was extremely shy. I was surprised someone took that much time and energy to bully me, no one even knew who I was (so I thought).

Well…someone got in trouble right? The school did something?

Nope. I wish my principle grabbed a bat and made us have an assembly ha! They claimed that on the security tapes they couldn’t tell who threw the liquid or who threw the papers because it was “too crowded”. My mom watched the tape and pointed to kids holding paper and throwing it and the counselor then claimed that there was too many doing it to be feasible to punish them all. Oh and they would make a new rule that you could not drink or have liquids in the halls. Because my first thought was that this liquid was urine…it was warm and yellow…the counselor said that even though we can see who threw it on tape we can’t prove what the liquid was so we’re not going to do anything about it. Oh btw they never even notified me of the paper incident, my friend picked up one of the papers when it happened to show me and when we asked the school about it they said they picked up all the papers and just hoped it would go away on its on. My parents would of never known of these incidents had I not told them myself, and we would not of talked to the school about it had my mom not gone down to the school herself after I told her of the incidents. Not every child has this relationship with their parents, I was very lucky I did. Not because the school bothered to do anything, but because when it comes to bullying, talking to someone about it and having someone standing up for you makes all the difference in the world.

Well you seem fine Azalee so it really didn’t matter right?

WRONG. Had the Clark County School District done something about bullying then or with the (I’m sure) many other cases that were ignored and swept under the rug they could have prevented bullying for future students and prevented the suicides that have been committed because of bullying in the Clark County School District long after I graduated.

Hailee Lamberth  .

..committed suicide in 2014 and her suicide note ended with “Please tell my school that I killed myself, so that the next time (name withheld) wants to call somebody (expletives), maybe they won’t.” CCSD did not tell Heilee’s parents that she was bullied until several months AFTER her death and after they blamed her for her own death.

WRONG CCSD bullying is NEVER the victims fault and anything they do because of pain that has been caused from the bullying is the BULLY’S fault, NOT THE VICTIMS.

Carla Jameson .

..committed suicide in 2015 and her mother believes it was due to the nonstop bullying she faced at school. According to her mother “they massacred her” and CCSD would do nothing to help,“It was always made out to be her fault.”

I graduated in 2009. There have been some new policies put into place regarding bullying in the CCSD, you can see them here.  This was most recently updated in August, 2015.

Here’s an article about yet another bullying case where the CCSD district did nothing and these parents are having to FIGHT to get the school district to do what they should have been doing all along. This article is from 2014 but states they have been fighting with the CCSD about this for the past two years.

Here is the CCSD “Say No to Bullying” site and Here you can take the pledge to be an “upstander”.

These are great but what I think is the most important thing is what the teachers, deans, counselors and principles are actually doing. Are they actually telling the parents that their child has been bullied in a timely matter? Are the bullies actually facing repercussions?

I hope so.

My advice?

Always report bullying and step in, speak up. Talk to your kids, make sure they know they can come to you, it’s hard to stand up for yourself when you’re a kid and the adult at school is siding with the person that’s hurting you. You can easily be convinced that it’s you’re fault, and it’s not.

Now I’m in my 20’s and I would think bullying would be a thing of the past. Boy was I wrong…anonymous tweets…

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Random people on Instagram…

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This is all bullying and none of it is okay.

There are laws in Nevada against cyber bullying and you can see them here  but it can only be considered illegal if the person is threatening or stalking you. So the above cyber bullying is not covered under those laws.

Finally I want to get into workplace bullying…

…because this is the most recent type of bullying that has been brought to my attention and I don’t think it is talked about enough. I also think it is very difficult for people to resolve workplace bullying in fear of getting fired or being made to feel that it is your own fault. It amazes me that this actually is not illegal unless you fit into one of the protected groups, you really have no legal standing and I think that should be changed. You can be emotionally abused even if you are a white male, shocking right?

This is a great list provided by the Work Place Bullying Institute of Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Signs of Bullying. Read the list, you might be surprised that you have actually been bullied at work.

Subtle Signs of Bullying

  1. Deceit. Repeatedly lying, not telling the truth, concealing the truth, deceiving others to get one’s way, and creating false hopes with no plans to fulfill them
  2. Intimidation. Overt or veiled threats; fear-inducing communication and behavior
  3. Ignoring. Purposefully ignoring, avoiding, or not paying attention to someone; “forgetting” to invite someone to a meeting; selectively greeting or interacting with others besides a victim
  4. Isolation/exclusion. Intentionally excluding someone or making them feel socially or physically isolated from a group; purposefully excluding someone from decisions, conversations, and work-related events
  5. Rationalization. Constantly justifying or defending behavior or making excuses for acting in a particular manner
  6. Minimization. Minimizing, discounting, or failing to address someone’s legitimate concerns or feelings
  7. Diversion. Dodging issues, acting oblivious or playing dumb, changing the subject to distract away from the issue, canceling meetings, and avoiding people
  8. Shame and guilt. Making an employee constantly feel that they are the problem, shaming them for no real wrongdoing, or making them feel inadequate and unworthy
  9. Undermining work. Deliberately delaying and blocking an employee’s work, progress on a project or assignment, or success; repeated betrayal; promising them projects and then giving them to others; alternating supportive and undermining behavior
  10. Pitting employees against each other. Unnecessarily and deliberately pitting employees against one another to drive competition, create conflict, or establish winners and losers; encouraging employees to turn against one another
  11. Removal of responsibility. Removing someone’s responsibilities, changing their role, or replacing aspects of their job without cause
  12. Impossible or changing expectations. Setting nearly impossible expectations and work guidelines; changing those expectations to set up employees to fail
  13. Constant change and inconsistency. Constantly changing expectations, guidelines, and scope of assignments; constant inconsistency of word and action (e.g. not following through on things said)
  14. Mood swings. Frequently changing moods and emotions; sharp and sudden shifts in emotions
  15. Criticism. Constantly criticizing someone’s work or behavior, usually for unwarranted reasons
  16. Withholding information. Intentionally withholding information from someone or giving them the wrong information
  17. Projection of blame. Shifting blame to others and using them as a scapegoat; not taking responsibility for problems or issues
  18. Taking credit. Taking or stealing credit for other people’s ideas and contributions without acknowledging them
  19. Seduction. Using excessive flattery and compliments to get people to trust them, lower their defenses, and be more responsive to manipulative behavior
  20. Creating a feeling of uselessness. Making an employee feel underused; intentionally rarely delegating or communicating with the employee about their work or progress; persistently giving employees unfavorable duties and responsibilities

Not-So-Subtle Signs of Bullying

  1. Aggression. Yelling or shouting at an employee; exhibiting anger or aggression verbally or non-verbally (e.g. pounding a desk)
  2. Intrusion. Tampering with someone’s personal belongings; intruding on someone by unnecessarily lurking around their desk; stalking, spying, or pestering someone
  3. Coercion. Aggressively forcing or persuading someone to say or do things against their will or better judgment
  4. Punishment. Undeservedly punishing an employee with physical discipline, psychologically through passive aggression, or emotionally through isolation
  5. Belittling. Persistently disparaging someone or their opinions, ideas, work, or personal circumstances in an undeserving manner
  6. Embarrassment. Embarrassing, degrading, or humiliating an employee publically in front of others
  7. Revenge. Acting vindictive towards someone; seeking unfair revenge when a mistake happens; retaliating against an employee
  8. Threats. Threatening unwarranted punishment, discipline, termination, and/or physical, emotional, or psychological abuse
  9. Offensive communication. Communicating offensively by using profanity, demeaning jokes, untrue rumors or gossip, or harassment
  10. Campaigning. Launching an overt or underhanded campaign to “oust” a person out of their job or the organization
  11. Blocking advancement or growth. Impeding an employee’s progression, growth, and/or advancement in the organization unfairly

If work place bullying is a problem for you here is a link on steps you can take stop the bullying. You have no reason to deal with that kind of behavior, ever.

Even if you don’t think the bullying is “that bad” it can take a serious toll on your health, family life, and overall work experience and performance. If you don’t believe me or want more details on this click here.

Here is a petition with over 28,000 signatures on it demanding a law to stop workplace bullying, you can sign it too, if you would like.

That’s all I have to say on bullying for now…feel free to comment, share, sign a petition, stick up for someone, report a bully…whatever you do just DON’T be a bully and DON’T tolerate bullying. People are going through enough, no one needs to deal with a bully.

 

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